About Kat

Clients often wonder if I can really understand their journey and will ask about why I became a coach. So I wrote this.

I remember hiding behind our kitchen door eating Betty Crocker vanilla frosting straight out of the tub. I must have been about 5 or 6 years old. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this. I knew I would get in trouble. I knew I would regret this. Yet I couldn’t or wouldn’t stop. I had already learned that if I chose to eat something unhealthy I should be ashamed of my food choices. The deep sense of shame and embarrassment that I felt just encouraged me to eat faster. Yet I wanted that frosting.

This is the first time that I remember having an issue with food. I’m now 51 years old and I still have a complex relationship with food. As is the case with many people who have food issues both my parents struggled when it came to food. They were unhappy with their own bodies and food choices and didn’t know how to teach me healthy habits. 

I remember judging my size and shape against other girls in my class and hating that I didn’t look like them, I was 7 years old. I remember doing anything I could to get junk food and candy including sneaking to the store, when I was 9 years old. I remember going on a diet at 11 years old. The sad thing is I’m honestly not sure if this was my first diet.

I remember watching in amazement as one of my friends opened her lunch box day after day and there was always some sort of candy or treat in it. I had always had a cheese sandwich and an apple. The most amazing thing is most days she didn’t eat the treat. If she did it she would break off a small piece and leave the rest. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend living a life where you didn’t inhale the entire thing. I thought she must be faking it but after watching her daily for months I came to the astonishing conclusion that she wasn’t. She honestly didn’t care about the treat and didn’t want it.

My teenage years were a constant repeating pattern of restriction and then overeating. A month of eating only sugar free Jello seemed like a good idea at 15. I was so proud of myself for this idea. I stood tall, all 5’ 2”, and proud that I had solved the problem. When I inevitably ate regular food again, I shrank in shame and labeled myself as a fat failure.

I learned that I could only celebrate and enjoy my body when it was starving. I only earned the right to be proud of myself when I was so hungry it hurt. I knew that the approval you got for losing weight was golden and the silence you got when you gained weight was crushing. I hated myself, I hated my body, I hated food, I hated my life. 

I tried so many things over the years to lose weight and with each one of them I gained more emotional baggage and physical weight. Everyone knows that most  people who lose weight on a diet gain it back. It is the elephant in the room, the dirt under the carpet, the truth no one wants to admit. Some studies rate the percentage of people who regain weight as high as 90% - 97%! So why are diets still a part of our society? A 97% failure rate is insane.  If you were told an airplane had a 97% failure rate would you risk it? I wouldn’t and for this reason I chose to walk away from trying to lose weight. It took me 30 years to realize dieting was a suckers game but once I saw the truth I stopped trying.

By this time I had kids and I wanted to break the cycle of weight and food issues in my family. I was determined to raise kids who were happy, healthy and loved their bodies no matter what size. Unfortunately, I failed. I failed miserably. 

There is nothing like watching your children struggle to light a fire under you. I was motivated in a way that I had never been motivated before. I was determined to figure this food thing out.

Here’s what I learned in a nutshell. The only way to heal food issues is to deal with the emotional trauma that caused them.

That’s it. That’s the secret.

How you choose to heal the trauma can vary, but heal it you must. 

All dieting does is add to your trauma.

I immersed myself in various holistic healing methods to aid my family. I studied Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or Tapping) to help release trauma quickly and easily and also to help with emotional regulation. I became a hypnotherapist to help address subconscious issues that might hold someone back from healing. Then came STT to help release trauma that is physically held in the body. I also did reiki for energy healing and Bach Flower Remedies to help gently release stuck emotions. Last but not least I studied shadow work to help explore the unconscious parts of the psyche and heal through self-acceptance. 

As if those techniques weren’t enough I then went even further and started creating my own techniques. In typical neurodivergent fashion I was obsessed.

Fast forward nearly 10 years and I am still obsessed. 

I’ve learned a lot of things on this journey.

I’ve learned that you can’t hate yourself into a better place. Beating yourself up, calling yourself names, criticizing yourself, body shaming yourself, comparing yourself to others, internal shaming, and a host of other horrible things you can do to yourself DO NOT motivate you. Lasting change must come from a place of radical self-acceptance. When you accept who you are and change from a place of love miracles can happen. There is a wonderful phrase attributed to Shunryu Suzuki "You are perfect as you are, and there is room for change."

I’ve learned that if you are brave enough to face your pain you can finally be free of it, and it is often easier than you think. I've seen clients resolve decades of suffering in just one or two sessions of trauma-informed coaching. While not always the case, healing can be surprisingly swift.

I’ve learned to be gentle with myself when I mess up because I am still working on my own healing. There are days where I revert to old habits and turn to food for comfort. On these days I try to remember where I used to be and how far I’ve come. I don’t always succeed but I now know that I’m worth healing and worth fighting for.

I’ve learned that being neurodivergent can have a huge impact on your relationship with food and that many people don’t realize this. It isn’t always obvious, but it makes sense. Of course, the same sensory issues that made wearing socks a living hell could also cause me to dislike certain food textures. Or the fact that I found it difficult to regulate my emotions would make it more likely for me to turn to food to self-sooth. As I said above, I am learning how to be gentle with myself and I now understand that I’m not broken and I don’t need to be fixed. However, I am neurodivergent, and I have to learn to live with the interesting quirks that come along with that label.

I’ve also learned that there is no such thing as one size fits all. It isn’t true in clothing, and it isn’t true when it comes to healing. We are all amazingly breathtakingly complex beings, and everyone’s healing journey is as unique as they are. Just because something worked for your friend doesn’t mean it will work for you. Honestly thank goodness for that. Can you imagine how horribly boring the world would be if we all were the same. If you try something and it doesn’t work, that isn’t a commentary on you or who you are as a person. It simply means it is time to move on and try something else. I need to make something clear here. I’m not talking about moving on and trying Keto because your low-fat diet failed. I’m talking about trying something other than dieting because dieting failed.

I’ve learned that no one is broken, we have bumps and bruises, but we aren’t broken. That voice in your head that tells you things like you aren’t good enough, you are a failure, a fraud, not worth healing or something equally mean is lying to you. You are enough, you have always been enough, and you will always be enough.

I’ve learned that strong people ask for help. So many clients have a sense of shame or feel like failures because they seek coaching. The opposite is true. Everyone needs help. We all have blind spots that we need outside help to see. If you are struggling and need help, ask for it. If you reach out and ask a friend for support that is great. If you decide to pay a professional because you don’t have a friend you feel comfortable asking for help that is also great. Do what you need to do to feel supported. 

I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that anyone can heal. If they are willing to put in the work, they can drastically improve their lives.